Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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