Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
