Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
