I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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