just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
