oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
In America we eat man semen.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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