So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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