Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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