no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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