It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
