I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Actions speak louder than pants.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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