i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
