Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize