gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
