i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
