I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She bit a glass in half.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
