I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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