Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
