Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
