Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
