Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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