tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
