call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
