my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
