Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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