The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
