the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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