I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
