Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Randomize
