I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
