this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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