Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
