Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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