His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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