There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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