I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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