it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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