that's an acceptable place to lick
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize