She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
