I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
