i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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