A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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