You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
