What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
