i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
