Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
