You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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