he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
