he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
