Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
