i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
