Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
