just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
