Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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