Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
