oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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